Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Delusions of Grandeur
At the Public Defender Service, I met a number of clients who exhibited grandiosity in their delusional schema: over the course of the summer I met God, Jesus Christ In The Flesh, the Real King, the Emperor of the World, a Rock and Roll Superstar, and a man who is a judge, detective, lawyer, priest, and psychologist, and who has been President of the United States for the last 2002 years.
These delusions turned up so often, and in conjunction with such specific other behaviors, that I began to sympathize with the felt reality of these clients. This kind of story from a client, in my estimation, expressed something heartbreaking and noble: he was desperate to make a difference in the world, to solve the problems he saw around him, to reach out and help his neighbors, to reassure me and everyone else he came in contact with that everything was under the control of a benevolent soul -- his own. How much more tempting for a profoundly decent person to believe such things about himself than to admit to being more in need of help than capable of helping others? And which of us has not been pushed to the brink from contemplation of our own insignificance, our inability to save our loved ones from suffering, our ineffectuality in making the changes we know are necessary in the world?
These delusions turned up so often, and in conjunction with such specific other behaviors, that I began to sympathize with the felt reality of these clients. This kind of story from a client, in my estimation, expressed something heartbreaking and noble: he was desperate to make a difference in the world, to solve the problems he saw around him, to reach out and help his neighbors, to reassure me and everyone else he came in contact with that everything was under the control of a benevolent soul -- his own. How much more tempting for a profoundly decent person to believe such things about himself than to admit to being more in need of help than capable of helping others? And which of us has not been pushed to the brink from contemplation of our own insignificance, our inability to save our loved ones from suffering, our ineffectuality in making the changes we know are necessary in the world?
